Dear Diary.
October 29th 2009. Rainy.
8.00am Wake up with a jump. Had a dream about fundamentalist “Shaun the Sheep” fans chasing me with baseball bats.
8.30am Cancel my holiday to Germany.
9.00am Leave for work.
9.15am Drive past workers on strike outside the postal depot – can’t decide whether to wave or make a rude gesture, my indecision makes me look like I’m having a seizure and I nearly crash.
9.30am Arrive at work to find the new “vertical stacking” car parking scheme has come into effect.
9.31am Watch with resignation as the facilities manager drops a VW camper van onto the top of my car using a fork lift truck.
9.35am First swill pot coffee of the day, mmm....
10.00am The delegation of Peruvian nose flautists arrive early for their studio tour arranged for 5pm. I hide under the desk. Holly goes to sort them out.
10.20am Bitzer enters the office wearing a silk dressing gown and puffing smoke rings from an oversized pipe. He complains that under no circumstances can he be expected to work with “that cat” any longer and shows me what Pidsley has done to his copy of “The Times”. Unfortunately I can’t keep a straight face because Shaun is making very rude gestures behind his back. Bitzer huffs and puffs out of the office. I ruffle Shaun’s topknot and send him back to the studio, the little scamp.
10.21am The facilities manager bursts into the office brandishing a fire extinguisher and sniffing the air. “CAN ANYBODY SMELL SMOKE?” He stares at everyone in turn before backing slowly out of the door.
10.35am I email Mindel to suggest changing Pidsley’s cat food – he really did make a big mess of Bitzer’s copy of the Times...
10.45am Mindel storms into the office to tell Gareth and I that changing Pidsley’s cat food this late in the shoot would make it impossible to finish the series before March 2013.
11.00am Go to visit the model makers but they’re all on a tea break.
12.00pm Katie emails to ask if I know how to fix Mitzie’s problem with Yoghurt mayhem... No, no I still don’t have a clue.
1.00pm Stuck behind Bitzer in the dinner queue. He’s complaining about the lack of meat in his chilli and warning the canteen staff about the dangers of feeding a dog too many butter beans. Eventually, he moves off to find a table muttering, “It’s all very well, Luvies, but this would never happen to Dickie Attenborough...”
3pm The delegation of Bristol zookeepers arrive early for their studio tour arranged for 3 weeks on Tuesday. They bring with them 25 Capuchin monkeys on day release. I go to hide under the table but find Holly is already there so I call Mindel instead...
3.15pm Bitzer has lost his hat again.
4.00pm Go to visit the model makers but they’re all on a tea break.
4.10pm Dan is playing the Peruvian nose flute music CD he bought earlier in the day. Nobody in the office looks particularly happy, apart from Dan – Dan looks happy.
4.15pm Holly is twitching and muttering something that sounds like, “....revenge.... Cheryl Cole CD.... Madonna... High School Musical...see how he likes it....”
4.45pm Fourth swill pot coffee of the day, yeugh...
5.30pm Mindel rings up in a very good mood after somehow persuading the zookeepers to put the capuchin monkeys to work in the assistant animator’s area, “They have excellent manual dexterity and better still will work for peanuts!” she explains.
5.50pm I find Bitzer’s hat, but by the looks of it Pidsley had found it first - I decide not to tell Bitzer until tomorrow.
6.30pm Wait patiently while my car is extracted from under the VW camper...
6.45pm Drive home (with noticeably less headroom than usual), mulling over another run of the mill day. Never mind, it’s my Birthday tomorrow!
